A few days back I was sifting through my box of memories, reminiscing about life. I was surprised to find that there were a few memories which triggered raw emotions of hurt and pain within me. The emotions that emerged like the incidents had just occurred. I simply failed to understand how I was still being affected in the same manner, since I was supposed to have moved on a long time back.
The irony of the situation was my life clinging and holding on to things that were meant to be let go of. It irked me how I had managed to destroy my life and my peace of mind without realizing it until now. It was at that moment I understood that I needed closure. Closure is defined as the feeling or act of bringing an unpleasant situation, time or experience to an end so that you are able to start new activities. In simple words, I needed to overcome the incident by seeking answers to the questions that kept haunting me.
I was in an unhappy place and desperately need to get rid of the unpleasantness creeping over me every time I thought of those incidents. I understood seeking closure would not make my problems disappear overnight, but I knew very well that it would make things easier. I knew I needed to help make my walk through my life easier and I had to face my demons. My mind was made up and I asked the questions. Every passing moment pierced my heart, every word created agony. My tears accompanied my voice. And to my surprise my questions remained unanswered.
Although I had no answers, I had got the solution. Those memories had the power to hurt me, because I had not bothered to introspect or question the situation earlier. Had I made the effort, I would have known that the hurt caused to me was a petty issue for the other person. Had I known there would be no accountability, I would have come to terms with things ages back.
All this while, I had blamed myself. Every time I thought of it, I felt I had made the mistake. And today, I figured it wasn’t entirely my fault. Not only had I punished myself I had also paid the price of the mistakes others made. Now that I get this, I realize overlooking the need for closure was not one of the brightest ideas I had had. Because of my folly, I beat myself over things which were never my fault.
Eventually, the lesson I learnt is that; the next time some unpleasant incident happens with me, I shall take some time off to work things out and seek closure. Never again am I going to damage myself because no matter what I have to live for myself in the end. Also for the reason that no one loves and understands me the way I do.