A lesson Learnt

I have always believed that there is a lesson to be learnt for all of us in each passing day. There is something for us to learn, on a daily basis in one way or another.  But as always, we are engrossed in the woes, worries and miseries of our lives because of which we tend to overlook these lessons.

How many times in our lives have we done the following things –?

Helped a blind man cross the road.

Occupied a restless child with some silly tricks on a bus journey.

Given up our seat for another person.

Bought a cup of tea for a beggar who begged for a few pennies so he could have eaten or drank something.

These things are often called acts of random kindness. But the question that irks me is even though these actions are done by most of us, was it really kindness that these actions of mine were based upon? Did I ever help anyone without an interest of personal gain? The actions I mentioned above have been done by me for some kind of personal satisfaction which tells me I helped someone making me feel better about myself.

The blind man didn’t really need my help; I helped him because for me he is a disabled person.

I occupied the restless child with silly tricks because I knew deep down that if the child cried my entire journey would be tiresome for me as no one likes a cranky child next to them.

I have bought a cup of tea for a beggar because I didn’t want to give him money with a thought that he might have been lying about being hungry.

 I have given up my seat for old people and pregnant women which might have been a good deed but I doubt I have given it to a school kid or another person who might have needed it just because I have bought a ticket and a seat is my right.

A friend of mine said that these so called acts of random kindness are done for selfish motives and primarily because of ‘public perception’. Obviously, one would not get much appreciation for letting a kid sit down, than one does when the same seat is offered to a pregnant lady – all about public perception.

But today something changed. I realized something that I should have known all along. Random kindness isn’t about helping someone it is about understanding another human beings plight. Had I held different perceptions about my action before I did them I would have never felt so ashamed and disappointed in myself as I did today.

While returning home from college I noticed a family of four who grabbed my attention. The father appeared to have an injured leg. He was being supported by his two young sons, the eldest not more than 15 and the younger one barely 10. His wife was a frail lady who led the way carrying their luggage and a concerned look. Every few steps she would stop and glance at her injured husband and young sons. On nearing the foot over bridge, the family was stumped. There were roughly 30 stairs which had to be climbed and neither the wife nor the sons were strong enough to support the man. The man sat down on the stairs, while his family figured out how to cross over the bridge.

While all of this was happening, I was seeing them through the window of the local train. My mind was reeling with numerous things in that moment. I wanted to help them but so many thoughts in my mind held me back –

How could I help when I myself wasn’t strong enough?

Would they appreciate my helping them?

How would it look?

May be I should wait and see if they can manage, in case they cannot then I shall go and help.

In case I did go and help them I might reach home later than I planned with only a few minutes left for the train to depart.

I was thinking all these things while I was watching them struggle through the window. Finally, I somehow made up my mind to help, gathered the courage to go but before I could take a step towards them I found out I hadn’t managed to do anything. The reason I never made it over to them were two things.

 Firstly, the man realizing his situation and his circumstances began dragging himself up the stairs. He did the best he could about his situation in the only way he could. He did not even think twice about the onlookers and passerby’s who saw them, their difficulty, and their struggle but like me did nothing.

Secondly, I could do nothing because I realized it was too late for me to go and help them. I blamed myself because rather than thinking about helping them I should have just gone and helped. And even if I had gone to help him now, it would have looked like an action out of pity and sympathy which he clearly did not need.

With these thoughts my train departed and I was left with a lot of things to ponder about. I realized I wasn’t expected to do anything, the least I could have done was asked if I could help them. I should have done these things not for any other reason but for the simple fact that just going over and asking if I could help them would have been the tiniest, simplest, and most selfless deed I could have done. That would have been a true act of kindness. May be I wasn’t strong enough but I could have approached someone else who could have in turn helped them.  I also wondered what I would have felt had I been in their place.

Everyone has dignity and self respect. They didn’t ask for help but their faces showed their despair. I realized my education, my ethics, beliefs; morals were useless if I hadn’t helped someone who genuinely needs it. Their faces are etched in mind, a constant reminder of how I failed myself today.

Now I understand how the actions I mentioned earlier would have been different.

I should have helped the blind man because I could see the signal turning green at the junction, or guiding him to the correct bus.

I should have occupied the child because I loved children and understood the mother probably needed relaxation as much as I did.

I should have bought the cup of tea because the beggar really was hungry.

I should have given my seat to the school kid because I saw him tug his heavy bag along, another commuter who looked exhausted or was feeling unwell.

Had this been my thoughts, today would have been different. I would not achieve anything but the satisfaction that I made a difference in somebody’s life. And hope that the person I helped would remember me and help somebody else in return.

True to my beliefs I indeed learnt a very valuable lesson today.